A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, some eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon.
As she unloads her items at the cash register to pay, a man standing behind her in line watches her place the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single."
The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusual about her selection says, "That's right. How on Earth did you know?"
He replies, "Because you're ugly."
At work I used TrayMenu on my NT box. It's a little application which hides in the tray, actually it replaces the clock. Basically it pops up a menu of your desktop shortcuts among other things. It had a major annoyance that made tray minimized program icons disappear every so often. Annoying to me because I use another utility to "Minimize to Tray" several programs which create lots of windows such as MS Outlook and Emacs. I went to see if there was an update; however, it looks like the author didn't pay his domain name registration fee. Anyway I decided instead to populate my All Users/StartMenu and servicej/StartMenu with some of my desktop shortcuts, as it gives me the same functionality. I should have done this long ago. Using Emacs' dir-mode to mark several desktop shortcuts and copy them to the StartMenu made the task quite easy.
I took a leave of absense from the OCS. Just this weekend I got a call from the music director to help out again. This term's music is, for the most part, "show tunes" and medlies. Apparently there will be some staging involved, too, as we'll be on stage at Sheridan College. Show tunes can be tricky to sing and perform as the tempi are irregular and the harmonies are not of the usual Mozart and Bach variety. They're easy, I guess, if you want to do a so-so job. After my first rehearsal back with the choir, I have already learned something: there actually is a spiritual about "Your foot bone connected to your ankle bone", etc.
"Whenever I go to a bar, I always go right up to the most beautiful woman in the room and say, 'You've got something hanging out of your nose.' Hey, since I've got no shot at her, I might as well humble her a little for the next guy."
Michael Hayward
Usually it is, "oh damn, I forgot to lock the door." Last night when I got into bed I commented to my wife that the low for the night was to be -21°C (-5.7°F). Just as I was falling asleep I thought "I haven't turned off the shutoff valves for the outside taps." So, I got up and did that so I could sleep easy — not that I have had a problem in this house. At our previous house the garage was "inside" the house "box" and the upstairs bathroom was over it. When the night was cold and the winds came from the west the pipes to the bathroom would freeze. They never burst but it would take a day or so to thaw and that bathroom had the only shower.
I've selected the puns I like best from a list published in a newsletter I received recently.
- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
- Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
- Every calendar's days are numbered.
- Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
- Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeet.
We had my older son and his girlfriend over for garlic sauce pork ribs and cake to celebrate his 22nd birthday. I made the "Never Fail Sponge Cake" from Edna Staebler's More Food That Really Schmecks recipe. I have made it before but found it was hard to get out of the Bundt pan without using a knife around all the edges. This time I lined the pan with parchment paper. Though, it took a few minutes longer to cook, the cake slipped out easily and I just peeled the paper off. No Bundt pan paint chips this time! I iced the cake with Edna's marshmallow and chocolate chip icing. Among the five of us there's only a slice left. I'm sure my younger son will have finished that by the morning. Ribs make a great tasting meal but especially when you save the honey-garlic sauce to pour on the rice — only suitable for family gatherings. Too messy for our Hyacinth's "candlelight supper."
Being of rational mind, what I take to be coincidences, others would class as omens. Earlier this week a colleague pointed out an internal job opening on our Intranet web site that might interest me. It did. As I know several people in that department I was wondering whom I could call to see who this job opening was replacing. Well, today that department's manager was in our cubicle neck of the woods and stopped to chat. So we met briefly to discuss the job requirements. It would be a lateral move and I don't have some certifications (though I would be willing to learn and acquire them). Omen one? In the afternoon, our section head or what they call "practice leader" called an "emergency" meeting with the half dozen of us in his "practice". The president has said that our department budget wasn't good enough for FY 2003 and he was "demanding action". So our manager was meeting with the practice leaders "demanding action". Our practice leader told us we had to bring in a lot more work this year. The other alternative is to have less bodies. In fact, I was told that one of our guys is investigating his early retirement options. This was omen two. Time to bring my résumé up-to-date and have a chat with my manager to declare my intent to apply.
Got gas, got groceries. Pleased to find red peppers were on sale at the same price as the green — usually they are twice the price. I like the sharper flavour of the red variety. The gas station was busy as the price has come down a few cents in the last day or so. So busy, I couldn't linger to sqeegee the windshield. It's amazing how a brief snowfall of, maybe, a couple of cm can make the car so dirty. Even as a runner on the sidewalk I need to clean my glasses after.
Speaking of running, I was planning to walk home as it is still quite cold; however, that 2cm of snow provided a nice cushion on the pavement so I decided to run the 3km. My wife met me in the car on her way home at a side street so I unloaded my knapsack. I didn't accept a lift because the first thing I need to do after a run and get into a warm place is to strip off my coats and clothes. Couldn't do that in the car!
Another problem is that my sensitive nose kicks into overdrive in cold weather. Drip. Drip. Drip. I'm thinking I should carry paper towel with me as kleenex is too difficult to extract from a pocket while wearing thick mitts. The pictured contraption isn't too practical for the cold weather.
It was a cold, snowy January back then, just like it is this year. I read in the paper today that January 4, 1981 was the coldest day in Toronto on record at -31°C. My wife woke me in the early hours of the morning to go for a walk. Being a nurse at the time, she wanted to be darn sure these contractions weren't of the false labour variety. They weren't. Shortly thereafter we headed off to North York General Hospital and a few hours later, around 11 a.m., I believe we were a family of three. My older son Ian arrived in the world. Now he's all grown up with a business or two of his own. He lives with his significant other, our "daughter" Brianne, in a semi-rural setting with two cats, a bird and some fish. And, to round out this menagerie, they've put their dibs in for a newly-born Golden Retriever pup.
Two women were chatting and one asked the other,
"Mabel, do you talk to your husband while you're having passionate intercourse?"
Mabel answered, "Heavens No! Why would you want to make a phone call at a time like that?"
Source: Funny Mail
Saturday, January 18, 2003
Mozart Requiem
Bell'Arte Singers, Oshawa-Durham Symphony Orchestra — conductor Marco Parizotti
7:30 p.m., Calvary Baptist Church, 300 Rossland Road E, Oshawa, ON map
A great concert took place last night IHMO. It is always a satisfying, nay an exhilarating, experience to present a significant choral work with a well rehearsed orchestra. Maestro Marco Parisotto provided everyone with clear and sensitive directions and, I believe, the symphony and choir created beautiful music together. Marco shook our hands — probably everyone in the choir, a nice touch. A certain other maestro at a local opera company could learn volumes from this man. Unfortunately incompetent people aren't able to recognize their incompentence. But I digress.
During the interval, between the afternoon rehearsal and the concert, my wife and I went to see About Schmidt at the AMC in nearby Whitby. I still recall Jack Nicholson in One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. Often he plays a smart-aleck type of guy. However, in this role, he's an ordinary guy, just retired and then his wife dies suddenly. This isn't a tradegy, though, but a "wry" comedy about a man trying to find meaning in what has been a very dull life. My only caveat is that if you're under 40 and haven't experienced "family relationship problems" or "mid-life crises" you'll probably miss some of the humour. Anyway, it was a relaxing way to spend a couple of hours and, especially, resting up our voices by not talking or chatting.
Our choir was paid for this gig and the funds will go towards our next concert's expenses. Our personal expenses included 400 km of travel, several meals and, of course, the movie during our "break". It pretty much blows half the weekend. Nevertheless, the experience was worth it and my wife and I spent some time together. Oh, and we "worked" on the next concert by listening to Ein Deustches Requiem on the way home last night.
We are the hired choir for the symphony in Oshawa tonight. Our rehearsal last night with Maestro Marco Parizotti went well. It seems that not all orchestra conductors are tyrants. Marco has definite ideas on how the Mozart Requiem should be sung in certain movements but they weren't weird or presented to us in an arrogant manner. He seems to be a very knowledgeable person musically, speaks at least three languages and conducts clearly. That is, we know the beats and the relative louds and softs. The only downside to all of this is the commute from Mississauga to Oshawa and the fact that we have a rehearsal this afternoon and then have to kill four or five hours out there until tonight's presentation. Maybe we'll catch a movie or get a hotel room or something.
I had to borrow three works on behalf of our choir for our next concert. As it is borrowed music I have to keep accurate records of who borrowed it so I can harass those who don't return it (there always seems to be one or two). Otherwise the choir has to pay overdue fines or buy replacements. These days you have to buy choral music in lots of ten usually not just one or two. This time I have put sticky notes with the music numbers on each set. Then, as I hand it out, I collect each sticky note, put the person's name on it and stick the note in my file. We'll see how this system works. The only embarrassing part in all this is sometimes (all the time!) not being able to remember 40 to 50 people's names one after the other when I hand out the music. If I ever become a teacher (a possible plan when I retire, natch) I will need to have a small class with a seating plan I guess.
Today's ramble is about the clods who stand at the doors of public transit vehicles or trains. Of course, I tend to be just as rude as they are as I say "excuse me" and jostle them as I leave the door. Maybe there will be a purgatory for those individuals: there's a great big waiting area in heaven with hundreds of doors where these clods will be forever looking in at paradise but their lifestyle has condemned them to stand by those doors. One can only wish.
The quickest way for me to get from work to the Six Points Plaza is to walk up Kipling and try and cross Dundas Street just as it splits between two one-way sections over Kipling. However, the traffic lights are so far apart that there's an almost continuous stream of traffic going westbound. A further complication is that the oncoming westbound traffic is hidden until it comes over the rise of the overpass and it has four lanes. Now I could spend an extra 10 minutes maybe and walk over to an intersection with traffic lights. But instead I swear at the traffic, city planners and maybe save a few minutes when there's a sudden break in the traffic. Get a bit of a run in there, too.
Our choir has a new rehearsal accompanist. Our usual accompanist is far too busy now with several choirs and other music projects of his own. Plus I think the return commute from Stratford to Toronto just to accompany us is not a particularly efficient use of his time. With an accompanist, I believe our director can help the choir "lift the notes off the page" in a much shorter time than if he has to accompany or "note pound" the parts as well as direct. We've only got five full rehearsals to get our Brahms program in order. Many members performed the Brahms Requiem but that was eight years ago. I don't want to boast (but I will anyway); however, I think my wife and I as "first timers" were keeping up most of the time with the others. And, from where I was sitting in the back row, nobody was doing a very creditable job in the faster fugue parts. It will be a challenge certainly. I am also going to try and learn the baritone solo parts in Ein Deutsches Requiem for my own interest.
Rather than getting all bundled up for the -5°C temperature, I ran on the treadmill today. I usually run the 30 minute interval program. This time I set the maximum speed to a slower pace of 8.9 km/h (5.5mph) rather than the 9.7 km/h (6 mph) I had been using. Adjusting the incline upwards to 7% according to the calorie counter, burns as many calories at the lower max. as I did at the higher max. at about a 4% incline. Also, at the slower top speed, I discovered that, especially during the 4 minute long interval, I can still think about other things; whereas, at the higher top speed, all I can think about is: gee this four minutes is awfully long and I stare at display as the seconds tick down. It had made a boring workout just grueling. So, since the slope doesn't seem to bother me as much as the speed, I will probably increase the incline still more to burn away those calories (or I bump my head on the basement ceiling!). I gained about 6 or 7 pounds over the Christmas - New Year holidays (too many extra sweets, "sure I'll have another beer" and too much sitting, either driving or visiting). Now I have lost 4 of those poinds since I'm back to my regular 3 km walk in the morning and 3 km run in the evening, 5 days/week plus extra running on the weekend.
With our cold, snowy weather I have to wear my ankle-covering winter hiking boots. Unfortunately I guess I had fat feet or very thick socks when I bought them because they ended up being a generous 10½ more like 11. Anyway they always chafed at the back of my ankles so I dislike wearing them. One morning though I put some hand cream on the backs of my ankles — chafing problem solved. I still would rather wear hiking shoes but they are not too slush resistant.
The "super" came into my brother-in-law's condo early this morning to shut off the laundry hose faucets. One hose had burst and flooded his apartment, the hall, and some apartments below. As he and his wife are deaf, they didn't hear it happen and it was a neighbour two floors below who alerted the superintendent about the problem. Apparently this is the third occurence in this building. There have been notices in the residents' newletter to change your washing machine hoses. Why do I know about it? My wife has power-of-attorney over her brother and sister-in-law's financial affairs because they are deaf and mildly mentally challenged. She was called out this morning and she expected to have to clean up. As I said the condo has has experience — an emergency crew had already cut up and disposed of their carpets and had put several large industrial drying fans about. My wife and I went tonight: me to install "burst-proof" stainless steel braid hoses and carry boxes and she to pack up the china and glassware in the china cabinet so the carpet layers can move the furniture. And here I thought it would be quiet evening. Normally I would have been section leading at the Tuesday night community choir practice; however, the director wasn't sure I would be needed this term nor whether the choir could afford it for the time being. Still, I did have enough time to verbalize here.
- Visiting Friends
- Originally our friends, a couple and their two daughters, were going to come here over the Christmas holidays for supper and presents for the kids. We couldn't align our schedules as the older daughter is from a previous marriage and she had to go out to her biological father's place for part of the Christmas holidays. And she definitely didn't want to miss seeing us. Looking at our busy calendars: last night was the only time we could get together for the next month, so my wife and I drove there. Fortunately the weather was clear and the roads were in great shape. We had a good meal and a good visit. Their youngest daughter is now ten months and just starting to discover how to move around. And, as always, their seven-year old is an active little lady — I wonder how she was this morning at getting ready and going to school?
- Cold Neighbour
- Our neighbour has been in England for the last three weeks or so visiting her mother and other family members. Unfortunately about a week into her vacation she stepped on "thin air" and tore a couple of ligaments in her ankle on the edge. The swelling just went down enough for her in time to put on shoes and make the trip back home. This isn't the story though. Her house was 6°.C cold. She left a message and I went over upon returning from our visiting. I brought over an electric heater and lit the pilot light for the gas fireplace. But I couldn't get the pilot light to stay lit on the furnace. Perhaps the thermocouple has failed. As luck would have it she had cancelled the emergency furnace service contract with the gas company a while back. They wouldn't do a house call until this morning. I offered to let her spend the night at our place several times but she demurred. I suggested using the heater in a room with a door and having a hot shower before hand. I wonder how she made out in her cold house?
I have updated the location information for our next concert on the right side side of my 'blog based on the Oshawa-Durham Symphony Orchestra web site. Note that the concert time is listed as 7:30 p.m on Saturday, January 18, 2003. Hard to believe it happens in less than three weeks.
- Snow in Mississauga
- After a brief respite complete with raining, thawing and snow almost gone, winter has returned with about 20 cm of snow. My wife took 2 hours to shovel the stuff this morning and I spent another hour this evening. Our neighbour who has been in England for the last 3 weeks will hear about it from her friends: They look after her cats and have shovelled her driveway 4 times already this season.
- Our New (to us) Car has New Tires
- The car was making a funny sound the other day. Pulling into a parking lot, my wife spied a large bolt imbedded in the front driver's side tire. She almost made to Costco to get it repaired when the tire completely flattened. She called CAA and my son. As I understand it my son got there first and drove her to Costco where she found a CAA guy! He changed the tire with the donut spare and my wife drove to Costco for a fix. Well I had changed a flat on the same wheel several weeks ago and apparently there was yet another fix in that tire, making at least three now. That tire seemed to have had a rough go under the previous owner. The others were not in much better shape so we decided to replace them all — over half a grand. Oh well at least neither flat endangered us and, hopefully, we'll get more mileage out of the new ones.
Don't you just hate examining a problem, getting closer and closer to a solution when, blam!, you realized you had caused it with a very tiny configuration error. As a former part-time sysadmin, I had configured a particular Sun Solaris box to have two separate network interfaces: one for the Intranet and the other for a dedicated piece of simulation hardware. I had crafted a manual routing configuration script because the automatic Solaris solution would configure the routing for the wrong interface. This worked well for more than a couple of years. In the past year or more the IT function has been downsized and partly outsourced so those poor over-worked souls have been re-assigning subnets and IP addresses. They can tell at a glance whether a given IP address is for a "server", "workstation" or "printer". Anyway the symptom appeared to be that the Solaris box could ping any workstation on the Intranet but only certain workstations could ping it. Using tcpdump I found that the ping packets from the Solaris box weren't actually getting to some of the workstations. Unless you added some specific arguments to the ping command any old reply from the gateway, for example, would cause the Solaris box to say the workstation was "alive". Finally, after "hours" of work, I discovered the route command in my initialisation script was too restrictive on the Solaris box and excluded local Intranet connections to many workstations. Instead these would go to gateway which only handles connections to the Internet. In the "old" days the IP addresses of our department were pretty homogenous but now with new PC's and IP number policies this script had failed. Tomorrow I will have to log on the Solaris box and fix that little error.
I did discover one feature of the Solaris OS that it won't let you disturb an in-use existing (external) route. I remember several Oh-Oh's when I was playing around with my home FreeBSD box by connecting from work. A seemingly innocuous change to the routing or firewall configuration would suddenly break the connection. Then I would have to wait until I got home to fix it.
Here comes another year in the 3rd millennium. My wife and I celebrate 25 years of marriage this year. I graduated from high school (Grade 13 it was called then) 30 years ago. I won't see 50 for (ahem) a few more years yet.
We went to Uncle Bill and Aunt Kathy's place for supper last (night) year. She served a great meal of Beef Wellington and my wife brought the lemon-meringue pie for dessert. We played some cards, watched TV and yawned. Made it to midnight and then went to be bed. Can't believe I slept 'til 8:45 a.m. 6:20a.m is going to come awful early tomorrow after three weeks of holidays.
On the way home we stopped in at my wife's youngest sister (niece by relation) and her husband and had a good visit for most of the afternoon. When a family gathering numbers 20 to 25 we don't often get to really visit and chat about "significant" things.
Early this evening I ran in one of my new running long-sleeved T's. It's supposed to wick away sweat. However, because of the -11°C wind chill I had wear a fleece sweat shirt and my running shell jacket, so not at all the sweat could disappear.
Cleared up the email and prepared for bed. Then I remembered I hadn't posted my first article of the new year.
It's an oldy I received from Funny Mail today that made me chuckle once again.